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 Posted: Mon 11:43, 19 Aug 2013 Post subject: This Weekend Dating Trauma |
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This Weekend Dating Trauma
I always pray my date won't drive a hatchback. There's nothing wrong with them, really. But down south where I'm from, men drive trucks or SUVs. Period.
Last Friday night, I had my date with Logan (the guy from the costume party). Almost immediately, three things went wrong: 1) He was driving a hatchback. 2) He was wearing white wraparound sunglasses. It was 8 o'clock. Sunset was at 8:14. 3) He touched my bare back (I was wearing a halter top) and called me "hon." Keep in mind,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this was the first date.
These are admittedly minor setbacks, so I ignored them and behaved politely. But then came his next blunder. As I adjusted my vent in the car, he asked,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "Need some more air, love?"
I was just going to ignore it. But then he started stammering. "Need some air love?" As in,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], do you want more love from the AC? We were off to an awkward start. I felt badly for him, so again, I ignored it and chatted politely.
He took me to a cute Italian restaurantit was in an old Victorian house,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], complete with a live bat hanging on the ceilingand dinner was pleasant. Conversation flowed easily, or so I thought, despite my lack of interest. But then he called me out.
"I'm sensing you're not engaging."
I smiled and laughed, then asked what he meant. But I knew perfectly well. It's my dating downfallif I'm not interested, I shut down completely. I'm not trying to be rude, or coy, or cold. It's a protective mechanism: I have an intense fear of a guy putting the moves on me when I don't want him to. If I disengage, I assume he won't try.
Once we recovered, I tried harder to connect. He seemed like a nice guy, after all. Then came the deal breaker. After dinner, we walked downtown for ice cream and sat by a fountain to talk. The topics of conversation: His scathing criticism of my priorities (career before marriage), and how to buy lingerie for a woman (his topic, not mine). He wouldn't drop itI halfway expected him to pitch a tent in his pants. I felt like a sounding board for his fantasies. Gross.
What this all boils down to: Boundaries. Simply put, Logan took too many liberties for a first date.
I don't want to be touched within .2 seconds. I do want a sweet kiss at the end of the night.
I don't want to be called "love" or "sugar muffin" or "pumpkin." Kate works fine.
I don't want you to criticize my personal life. I do want you to ask questions, and I want to ask you questions in return.
I don't want to engage in "sexy talk." I do want you to tell me I look pretty.
Is that too much to ask? I hope not.
As we pulled up to my apartment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I hurried out of the car,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hoping to wave goodbye and call it a night. But he followed. At the door, I gave him a hug, smiled, and thanked him. He kissed my cheek, and I quickly pulled away before he could move to my lips. He looked so downtrodden that I felt a flash of guilt. But I just can't do itI can't give pity kisses. Better a bruised ego now than leading him on for weeks.
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[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
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